


Crumbling Composure

by yourrhinestoneeyes



Category: Re-Animator (1985)
Genre: But Not Much, Going along the lines of the first film, I mention lightly Dan with Meg, M/M, Mentions of Violence and Death, Mild Drama, gay scientists
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-20
Updated: 2014-10-25
Packaged: 2018-02-21 23:23:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2486048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yourrhinestoneeyes/pseuds/yourrhinestoneeyes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Herbert West has spent his life working his hardest to make himself cold, to make himself professional and centered around his work. He's never had the need for people, but encountering Daniel Cain stirs something close to human in him and he isn't sure how to handle it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Call Me Herbert

Herbert West always prided himself on his ability to be a solitary person. He found people to be a nuisance, they only caused trouble, and fell to the flaws of dramatic displays of emotion. It wasn't like he couldn't feel emotion, he wasn't that complete of a sociopath. Though he loved to play that he was one. Herbert had spent years meticulously turning himself into somebody very professional and very blocked off from the world. He had lost many people in his life, every death made him colder and more so closed off from other humans and from his own emotions. He wished to cure death, because he was very past sick of losing everybody he even considered enjoying the company of. Death was a nuisance just like social structures and awkward settings where you were forced to fake kindness to people you detested. Herbert hated death as much as he hated many things, why not cure the world's worst disease?

Things were going so perfectly well until the incident in Switzerland. How dare they accuse him of murder?

He scoffed thinking about it, how they accused him of being blatantly insane. He wasn't insane, he hadn't murdered anybody. He had been doing the opposite, he had been trying to resurrect the dead; he had been trying to bring back to life a man he respected. A man who requested that when he died that he needed Herbert to use the reagent the two of them worked so hard on to bring him back to life. It was not his fault that the medicine was not perfect yet, he had known at the time that it wasn't perfect, but God damn it he had to do something. He couldn't just let him die, he had to try. 

No matter that was a different time, now was a different time, and he had somebody new to work with. This time Herbert was in the lead and somebody else was following him step for step.

He smiled a smug smile when he thought about Daniel Cain. There was something about the man that attracted Herbert right away, in a not personal way. He didn't like death, he didn't like to lose patients that came into the hospital; he was as saddened and spiteful of mortality as Herbert was. He was the perfect person to work with him on this, to work on curing death. It helped that he seemed to have a curiosity towards Herbert, he found the smaller man strange, but in the way he found him strange he also found him fascinating.

It worked out pleasantly for the two of them, it allowed Dan to allow Herbert to move in with him despite the complaints of his girlfriend. Herbert was not fond of the girl; he didn't exactly have a reason to dislike her per say. He hardly knew her, he met her once, but the moment he laid eyes on her he didn't like her. He had assumed Dan to be single, he had no reason to assume that; an attractive man in his early twenties had no reason to be single. Odd thought, not completely professional; he was going to dismiss it for now.

At first Herbert kept mostly to himself, they very rarely crossed paths. He kept to his own room and to the basement, Dan respected him fully, and in return Herbert appreciated him for that. From time to time they would cross paths, Herbert would be in the living room sometimes reading through medical journals around the time that Dan would enter the room to watch shows on the crowded TV set. Once or twice the taller student would try to strike up conversation.

Dan would look from the TV to Herbert, the smaller man would give him glances from the corner of his eye being sure that Dan didn't notice. He would wait for his room mate to ask or to say something to him, the taller man would nervously jiggle his leg or run his fingers through his thick dark brown hair. 

“Do you have a question?” Herbert finally asked.

The taller man jumped in response to hearing the other man speak. He rarely spoke to him outside of their classes.

“Sorry I was just...So are you from around here, I mean born...Does your family live around here?” Dan asked nervously.

He really didn't know why West made him nervous...Okay that was a slight lie; he kept to himself constantly, he rarely spoke, and he spent a disturbing amount of time down in the basement which lately was emitting a slight chemical smell.

“Yes I'm from around here, but I have no family around here.” He replied simply, he didn't even lift his gaze from the book he was looking through.

He was already half through the text book, he adored the fact he could scan a page and every word and image would engrave itself in his brain. The book was no longer interesting him, the information was outdated, and meant for people with lower a lower IQ than his own. He still pretended to be taking interest in it, but really he was more interested in wondering why he made Dan so nervous. Awkward conversations and forced socializing made him annoyed, but this intrigued him.

“Right...So West-”

“Herbert, don't call me West.”

“You make everybody else call you West.”

“Not you, I don't like it when you refer to me by my last name. It makes me uncomfortable.”

He hadn't enjoyed somebody calling him Herbert for many years now, he'd grown to loathe people being so casual and comfortable. Something about people calling him by his first name made him think they thought he enjoyed their presence, that they could be light around him. He didn't want that, he wanted people to respect him and keep a distance from him. Except for Dan, he did not want Dan to be one of those people who kept a distance from him. He was still rather sure that the brown eyed man could be useful for him, that he could help him in a way or two. He just still needed to be sure that Dan wouldn't turn and run on him.

“Alright then...Herbert” Dan said, he smiled softly.

Herbert allowed a faint smile of his own, but never met the other man's eyes.

This could work out just fine.


	2. She's a Distraction

Herbert could see the excitement lighting up Dan's deep brown eyes. He could even feel it in himself when his room mate, his friend, his now colleague understood his work. At first he had the worry and doubt that he would be just like the others, that he would judge and call it crazy, and initially he had. Dan had been different though and Herbert found that pleasantly surprising. He enjoyed telling Dan about his research, about the fact he could bring back the dead, and with the right kind of help he could perfect the medicine needed to bring life back to the deceased. Yes he had been right, Daniel was different, he would be helpful to him. The only problem was his girlfriend.

Now Herbert had never quite enjoyed women and Meg was presently at the very top of that list. He wasn't sexist in the least, but he hadn't exactly had great experiences with the female sex. His mother had been a distant and drunk woman while his father had been a more so aggressive and violent drunk. He had silently damned his mother all the way up until he moved out at the age of eighteen, he vowed to himself to never return to his home until it would be time to bury his parents six feet under.

He couldn't help but smile to himself thinking about the irony of that. He was so adamantly against the action of death, the finality of it, but people like them almost deserved it.

Back in more present times he stood on the stairs leading down to the basement and listened to Dan and Meg scream at one another. He tried to tell her about the work they were going to do, how this was something incredible and if she just calmed down and listened then she would see it too. 

“It isn't natural, he's not normal Dan!”

Herbert rolled his eyes at the sound of her shrill voice and her dull insults. She really was a dull girl, too narrow minded, and had nothing beyond her looks that would fade by the time she reached thirty. He smirked thinking about that, Dan could do much better; he was intelligent, he had a strong pretty face, and a rather pleasing body. He tried to banish the image of his friend naked from his mind, he wasn't going to admit that he had looked more than was necessary when he had seen him standing in the doorway naked.

“Meg just listen to what he has to say, if we can perfect this we can save a lot of lives.”

“I don't want to listen to him Dan, I don't even want to be in the same house as him. I want you to throw him out Dan.”

“What?”

“If you don't make him leave then I'm leaving.”

“Meg that's crazy.”

Herbert rolled his eyes at her petty threat. He already knew damn well that Dan wouldn't kick him now, especially not now. She would leave, but she would come back; girls like her tended to do that. They held fake threats of break up and divorce over their partners, left, but then hours or just days later would come back wanting to work things out. He held out a pathetic small percentage of hope that Dan wouldn't be one of the men stupid enough to actually go and try to work things through with her.

Women were a distraction, they made working difficult; Meg already proved that. She was trying to make them drop everything that they had together. No matter; he had ways of ensuring that Dan continued to work with him, there were always back up plans. 

It did remind him though why he was prone to avoiding people in his age group.

He returned to the table and the struggling cat that lay upon it; it made a choked gurgling sound as it weakly clawed at the table top. He scratched behind its ear earning a mildly less pained sound from it as it leaned into the touch.

Once he heard the sound of the front door slamming shut he made his way upstairs.

Dan was leaning back against the door with his eyes closed, he was breathing heavily and seemed frustrated.

“I was wondering when she would leave.” 

The taller man opened his eyes and stared down at his friend. 

“This is a mess.”

“She is a problem, but a minor one. We'll be fine.”

He couldn't say that positively, but Herbert liked to at least believe he had control over situations. 

“Do you think I should go after her, if I just try and talk to her more then she can understand.”

Herbert rolled his eyes, he stepped closer to the other man.

“Don't waste your time with it. We have more important things to attend to, we have a lot of research and work to get back to.”

They had a lot to do. 

Dan remained leaning against the door, Herbert studied his tense composure, his rising and falling chest, and the sweat glistening on his tanned skin. He was attractive, that was a fine general point; anybody with even the smallest amount of sense could pick up on this detail. 

Herbert placed a hand upon his friend's shoulder, Dan was still looking at him like by nature he expected advice or sympathy. Herbert was not a man to offer such things, they were meaningless, and he couldn't even say such simple minded lies. 

“She doesn't understand the work we're doing together.”

They were going to make it far in the world, in medical history. Herbert was forever lost in his delusion now that he knew it was probable, he knew they could become legends. He could fix it so they would be immortal, he could even slow down their own aging process to ensure eternal youth. He found himself smiling and chuckling at the thought of that, the thought of being a real life Dorian Gray. Dan only looked at him with concern and confusion, Herbert always confused and concerned him. At least he was beginning to understand him better than he had before, but he still worried about the smaller man's mental stability.

“You don't need distractions Dan.”

Dan was ready to argue that Meg wasn't a distraction, she was the woman he was madly in love with, and he planned on marrying her once he became a doctor. He didn't get the chance to state his argument though, Herbert kissed him. It fully took him by surprise, so did how fully he enjoyed the shorter man's lips pressed against his and his fingers curling against his bare chest. As quickly as it happened it ended, Herbert took a step back, adjusted his tie, and then walked away leaving Dan confused as all types of Hell.


	3. The Future's Bright and Oddly Corpse Filled

Herbert knew it was idiotic to use the reagent on himself, even if it wasn't as strong a formula as he used on cadavers it was still dangerous. If he used even just one drop too much of the medicine then he could possibly cause his heart and brain to simultaneously explode. It was risky, but he was willing to risk it. He cringed as he plunged the needle into his sore arm, his hand that held onto the syringe trembled causing him to miss twice before he could even get it in. Herbert was not a big fan of physical pain, his father used to say it was because he was weak. As the glowing green entered his blood stream the shakes stopped and he felt like his body was coming into a new form of life. At this rate he could work for the rest of the night, into the following day, and by the third day he would need another fix. He promised himself that he wouldn't do this forever, just for now; he could stop and he would stop. Just not now, he needed it for his work.

Besides what if some day they needed to use it on a living person? Just to see what all it could do. For himself he couldn't find any bad side effects; it allowed him to keep awake for days or even weeks on end, he ate less, thought more clearly, and he could swear his aging process was slowing. 

Who needed a painting to keep you alive forever when you had a glowing green medication?

He left his bedroom to go in search of Dan. They needed to get back to work and he didn't need his room mate coming into his room and finding him taking the reagent. Dan had a tendency to over react, even after Herbert would logically explain why something needed to happen he could still see the doubt in the other man's eyes. He found it obscenely ridiculous that anybody could doubt him, but it wasn't like he really put others emotions first. Emotions got in the way, they made things messy. Herbert made his way through this life by much better means.

In the living room he found Dan sitting on the couch holding his face in his hands, a half empty bottle of red wine sat on the table in front of him. 

Herbert cleared his throat to gain his attention, the other man lifted his head; his brown eyes glistened from where he had been crying and the hazel eyed student had the overwhelming urge to roll his eyes. 

“We have work to do, come on.”

“Do you think what we're doing is right?”

“Yes and if you didn't then you wouldn't be helping me.”

Not that Herbert left him very many choices in the matter, but Dan was bright and determined. At any time he could throw the more reserved man out on his ass, but he hadn't. One could say he was almost beginning to enjoy his company.

“We could lose everything, Meg's right....This, what we're doing is kind of insane.”

Dan had to admit that ever since he met Herbert West at the hospital that everything had become quite insane. Something about the other man drew him to his side, he didn't know why; if he had to repeat events he still would have allowed him to rent the room and use the basement for his weird experiments. 

Herbert went around the table, he moved the bottle to the side out of his friend's reach before sitting down on the edge of the coffee table so he could be closer and more eye level with his friend.

“People said it was insane when they said the Earth is round, they said it was insane when the idea of evolution was brought up, and people will find this insane too. That is until they realize how brilliant our research and discovery is.”

Dan ran his fingers back through his thick brown hair messing it more than it already was. He looked helplessly up at Herbert like he wanted actual consoling.

“You're the one who did most of the work already, why do you even need me in the first place?”

He didn't completely understand why Herbert always said it in terms of 'them'. He had been working on this long before he had ever met Dan, surely he could complete it with somebody else or on his own.

“You believe in this, you believe in the work that I'm doing. I can trust you.”

It was true, he knew Dan wouldn't turn on him. He knew that he wouldn't steal his ideas like Hill had done to Gruber. He could use certain accesses Dan had that was true, but he could also use his knowledge and his clean slate of a mind. He was the perfect partner for Herbert and his research, he was the one person in this world since the death of his mentor did he feel he could easily work alongside. He could see them going far together.

Herbert placed a hand on the other man's knee, Dan glanced down at his friend's hand then back up into his eyes.

“I just ask you trust me in return.”

He could see a slight conflict in his friend's eyes, but he knew in all honesty that Dan was starting to fully trust him. If only Dan could pry completely away from that girl he was so taken with. Herbert slowly moved his hand up along his friend's inner thigh, he noticed the change in the taller man's breathing. He watched him carefully gauging his reaction, he hadn't experienced a negative reaction when he had first kissed Dan. It had seemed to just shock him and Herbert had left so quickly that he never had a chance to respond one way or the other. He still didn't pull away or react violently to the smaller man's advances. Herbert leaned in closer until his lips were barely an inch from Dan's; he could feel his friend's warm heavy breath against his skin.

“You do trust me don't you?” He asked his voice a whisper.

He wasn't sure if he expected an answer or not, he already knew he had Daniel where he needed him, where he wanted him. His friend would not turn on him or betray him, they had a bright future. He could see them going down in medical history, in being the heroes of the medical world; the doctors who cured death.

“Yes” Dan whispered in return.

Herbert gave a small sly smile before kissing him, he was pleased when Dan kissed him in return. 

His friend placed his hands on his hips, Herbert moved from the table to the taller man's lap. He draped his arms over his shoulders, he placed a hand on the back of his head his fingers curling in his hair. This was quite pleasant, very pleasant; Dan had full lips and admittedly a handful of experience. Herbert moved his other hand down over Dan's chest, he moved his hand lower then up under the front of his shirt. He felt over his well toned stomach and up over his chest, he could feel his heart pounding. Something about the life pumping through his partner's veins excited him, something in himself craved somebody who was very much alive. 

“This isn't right, what about Meg?”

“She doesn't believe in what we're doing, you heard her Dan. She thinks you're crazy.”

She would come back, Dan would run to her; Herbert expected it whether or not he approved.

“You're the one she thinks is crazy, is she right about that?”

Herbert smiled and shook his head.

“Maybe, who knows? Who in this pathetic world is completely sane? I was put away and charged with something I did not do.”

“What was it like?”

“Unclean, humiliating, and torturous. I'm not a murderer Dan.”

He was many things, many things that most would consider wrong and purely sociopathic, but he was not a murderer. That would be hypocritical of him to take a life without the intention of bringing the dead back to life.

“I'm sorry that happened to you.”

“Apologizing doesn't change my past, it was before you were part of the story Dan.”

He took Dan's mind away from his line of past obsessed questions by kissing him again, he kissed him forcefully ordering him to stop asking things that were irrelevant. He only backed away when his friend began tugging at his tie. Herbert moved from on top of him and stood, he straightened his clothes and cleared his throat.

“Now as I said before, we have work to do.”

He left to the basement giving Dan time to gather himself.


	4. The Domino Effect

Bad things happened in a domino effect; it only took one domino to set it all into motion. It had only taken one moment for things to unravel and for their dreams to go from bright to dim. Herbert felt himself panic as he watched things fall apart. He tried to keep composure and to pretend he had a sense of control, he even had to admit he felt like he was losing it. Bringing back Halsey had been a good idea, yes he told himself it had been a good idea.

Herbert refused to let somebody just die, he hadn't even really had much against the man. He had apparently been more closed minded than Herbert had originally guessed and that bothered him in a way. He should have known schools were not places for people of his stature. They were bent in the direction of molding minds on old and recycled ideas. When some twenty something year old student came in waving around a new theory no matter how brilliant they would turn him away, everybody turned him away.

If only he had listened, if only he had taken him seriously, but no he hadn't. He had been more concerned with who his bubble headed tramp of a daughter was sleeping around with.

Herbert wasn't jealous.

He cleared the thought from his mind. Everything was falling to pieces. It had started the second that Meg had seen them bring that damned cat back to life and gone from there. Now her father was dead, but brought back from the dead. They just thought he was insane. Herbert was thankful that as a teenager he had learned how to think on his feet and lie on the spot, he wasn't perfect at it, but he did well enough to survive in this life. Survive the way that he had been brought up to survive. 

It was true that Dan was posing the smallest bit of a problem. He became less willing to help when Halsey had died, but he was just in shock. That was understandable, Herbert had felt panicked when Gruber had dropped dead. This didn't turn out that way though and for that he was grateful. He needed to know he could be successful with his work, that it wouldn't just bring them back for one painful second before they would die all over again. This time it had worked, twice in one night it had worked, and that was great.

He had to admit in the strangest way he liked Dan being quiet and compliant after his panic attack. He liked how easy it was to herd the taller man into the passenger seat of his car. Dan had leaned against his side when they had walked to the car and had done the same when they had gone into the house. He had needed Herbert, had relied on him, and that gave him a sense of control. Herbert liked to have control, it made him feel like his life was at least a bit grounded.

Now Dan walking in on him trying to inject himself with the reagent hadn't been good. He had worried that Dan would just leave him there. Herbert hated needing somebody that badly, he hated whining and pleading for help and needing somebody. He hated the pain of the needle hitting the wrong spots every time his shaking hand tried to plunge it into his arm more. So he had decided it wasn't too bad to ask Dan to help him with that, but only once. He didn't think he would need to ask his help with it again, he didn't want to be lectured about how wrong and bad it was. He didn't want to repeat thinking how nice it was to have his friend holding onto him like that. Herbert was not about to admit he found even the slightest bit of comfort in his friend, his partner. They worked together, they were in fact friends....Friends in the way that only Herbert could have friends, he had barely any as a child. Parents hadn't exactly wanted their children going near 'that boy' as they often put it.

He didn't like how Dan was still obsessed over Meg. He wanted her back, wanted to explain things to her, and apologize. When he wasn't talking about how he wanted her back then he was talking about how he wanted her to run away from this place and get a better guy. Herbert did everything in power to not roll his eyes each and every time his friend went on with this tug of war speech. Yet he still found he was able to draw Dan in back to what they did, to himself. He would grab hold of his wrist and pull him close, he would kiss him hard and groan when the taller man would pin him back against the metal table in their basement. The taller man would mutter about how he loved Meg, how everything they were doing was wrong, but he wouldn't leave. It made Herbert wonder if this was because his friend was in a weakened mental and emotional state or because he actually felt something. He reacted like he felt something, but he also reacted like he just had a lot of stress and fear he needed to release. Herbert wasn't sure that he cared, caring was weak. His tall attractive friend had him pinned back against the side of a table and was kissing him like he either hated him or needed him. 

Everything was falling to pieces, but Herbert was sure he could get control again. At the least he could keep control over having Dan by his side.


	5. I Was Strangled By Entrails (How Was Your Night?)

Herbert had been more than positive that he was going to die. He hadn't trusted it when the sentient entrails that wrapped around his body like a python attempting to squeeze the life out of a potential meal loosened their grip. He had pushed the slimy flesh from his throat and dragged in lungfuls of air choking and coughing. Even in a dazed state and with the crushing pain filling his body he knew he didn't have the time to just lay there on the floor. He had gotten up and run in search of Dan. Something in him tugged between fearing Dan hadn't made it and that his notes hadn't made it.

Some sense of relief filled him when he found Dan in a hospital room, bloodied and kneeling over Meg's body. He supposed he wasn't too happy to see her dead or hear that Dan had tried to revive her.

It had taken gentle but stern convincing to get Dan to give the syringe to him, they needed to hide the reagent. If the police or a doctor saw it they would ask more questions than they would already be asking. 

“When they ask you tell them nothing about what we've been doing, Dan are you listening?”

The taller man nodded slowly, he still had his eyes locked on the lifeless form of his girlfriend.

Herbert kept his arm wrapped around himself as if it helped with the throbbing pain in his ribs. He took heavy hissing breaths, his head was pounding; he hadn't taken a shot for hours now and he was pretty sure he had a second degree burn on his forehead.

“Dan I need you to tell me that -ah damn it.”

The hazel eyed man doubled over in pain, he cried out from the sudden shock that went through him. The distressed sound from his friend gained Dan's full attention; he turned and wrapped an arm around Herbert.

“Are you alright?”

“Considering I was nearly lobotomized, nearly murdered by a dead man's entrails, and left to die in a basement by my best friend I would say I'm doing rather fine right now.” He spat bitterly as he glared up at the other man.

At least that answered Dan's question.

“You need to see a doctor.”

“No I don't.”

“Really, because I'm pretty sure your ribs are bruised or maybe even broken.”

Herbert wasn't exactly in the position to argue, he argued less when two doctors lead him out of the room and into a more accessible one. It turned out that two ribs had been bruised, luckily nothing worse, the burn on his head was bordering on second degree, and by morning the police wanted to speak with him.

Most of the night Dan stayed by his side, he felt in a normal situation he should state he was grateful for his friend's loyalty, but he didn't.

“Why didn't it work on her?” Dan asked.

“It doesn't always work the way it should. It didn't work on Gruber either.”

Dan lifted his head to meet the smaller man's eyes. He couldn't help, but smile seeing Herbert without his glasses. He looked less pretentious, somehow younger, and almost pretty in a strange feminine way he knew he shouldn't be thinking. 

“Is that what happened, he came back, and then just died again?”

Herbert shifted uncomfortably on the hospital bed. He hated the beds in hospitals, they weren't meant for comfort.

“He came back screaming in agony, his eyes bulged, his brain swelled, and he died.”

He would never forget that just like Dan would never forget how it had gone with Meg. For that he did feel sorry for his friend, he wouldn't say anything cruel or sarcastic to him about this. He honestly wanted to help him, but there was no way to do that.

“She was in pain, it's like....It was like she was here, but at the same time she was still dead. She didn't want to go back Herbert, but I couldn't stop it.”

Dan thought about the way she had clung onto him and begged to not be let go. She had been scared of dying, scared of going back to the apparent never ending darkness that awaited them all. It made him wonder if he would see her ever again, he wondered if he could even think he'd see her again in death. Maybe death meant being lost in darkness never running across another soul?

“It won't do you any good to think about it, you'll drive yourself insane.”

Both of them caught onto the irony of that coming from the smaller scientist.

“What are you going to tell the detectives in the morning?”

“What we discussed before; patients from the psych ward. They were let out, we were in the wrong place at the wrong time when it happened.”

“What about Hill and Halsey?”

“Don't worry about that, there are so many bodies...Well more accurately body parts spread all over the place that it would be hard to know what belongs to who.”

“This isn't how I imagined things going.” 

Dan leaned back in the folding chair he was sitting in, he let out a heavy sigh. He had pictured graduating, working at the hospital as a doctor, marrying Meg, and getting a nice home together. He hadn't imagined....This, whatever this was. He hadn't imagined being covered in his girlfriend's blood, sitting in a hospital room with a guy he had barely known for a few weeks. A guy he had a relationship with that made him question his own sanity, as much as he couldn't stop thinking about Meg he also couldn't stop thinking about how screwed he would have been if he'd lost Herbert too.


	6. Maybe It Isn't That Deep

“I need it, why can't you get that through your damn head?” Herbert yelled angrily.

He regretted the outburst, Dan was irritated with him. He wanted to say it didn't bother him that another human being was annoyed with him, but he was. He rubbed and pushed at his inner arm where fading track marks lay.

“Look at you, you're addicted to that stuff. I should have thrown it out when I found out what you were doing with it.”

Herbert knew he had said he could quit using the reagent on himself, but he'd been lying. That happened from time to time, he couldn't be honest about everything. That happened to be one of those things, because he hated being that weak and dependent.

“Where did you put it Dan?”

“I'm not telling you; we use it for research, that's it.”

He approached the taller man grabbing him by the front of his shirt and pulling hard. Dan looked down at the sweating trembling mess of his friend who was attempting to glare up at him, but just had the appearance of a sick scared animal.

“Tell me! Damn it Dan I need it, you don't understand.”

Dan grabbed his hands prying each finger from the material of his shirt. Herbert roughly pulled his hands away keeping them to himself this time.

“What have you been doing to yourself?”

Ever since he got out of the hospital and done with talking to the police he had been wanting to inject himself with the reagent. He said it would help the pain, he said it'd make it easier for him to think about what they should do next, and of course it kept him from sleeping.

“You're as bad as everybody else, I don't have a problem. I need this, this is....This is important. I can't just go without it, I've been off of it for too many days....Please Dan, please just one more.”

This time when he placed his hands on the taller man it wasn't in a way to try and threaten him, this time it was intimate and needing. He leaned almost his full weight against his friend, Dan ran his fingers through sweaty dark colored hair. He could feel the way his friend's body was trembling, Herbert made a slight whimper from a pain that was mostly inside of his own head. He hoped the more pathetic he was then maybe Dan would take pity, he would tell him where he put it, and let him get his fix. 

Dan wasn't too sure what he meant by everybody else, when Herbert had bad withdraws he went on about things that made no real sense. It was like when he rambled he actually thought that Dan knew about him and his life before he started going to the same school as him. In retrospect he found he knew nearly nothing about his friend, they didn't know each other well in reality. They had a professional connection.

Maybe a connection beyond that, he wasn't sure about it all the time.

Most times the smaller man made him uneasy or made him want to beat the hell out of him, but other times Dan felt bad for him. Right now was a good example of that. Herbert was looking up at him again, hazel eyes wide and begging, his bottom lip quivered, and if he was desperate enough for a fix then Dan believed he might start actually crying. 

Herbert felt a weird comfort when Dan took his face in his hands, he had the urge to lean into his touch or move closer to him. His body and mind told him he needed something, he needed his reagent or he needed something to distract him from the screaming craving in his veins. He moaned when Dan kissed him, he kissed back with a possibly pathetic amount of eagerness only curbed by the taller man breaking from the kiss for a second then going back again. This time they kissed deeply, roughly; Herbert curled his fingers in the front of his friend's shirt holding him as close to his small body as he could. Unlike other times he didn't pull away or call a stop to their make out session when Dan started to work on unbuttoning his shirt. He moaned and bit down hard on the brown eyed man's lip when he felt large warm hands move over his bare chest and stomach. He was impressed Dan was the one initiating, that was a good sign. It was a better sign when his friend's right hand made its way down to his ass squeezing. He felt Dan's erection press against his lower stomach, he placed a hand over the taller man's crotch rubbing and grabbing at him through his jeans.

Dan guided the smaller man back to his bedroom, he was surprised when Herbert shoved him down onto the bed and climbed onto his lap. His friend wrapped an arm around his neck, his fingers tangled in his shaggy brown hair. His free hand moved down Dan's chest and up under his shirt. 

“Off” 

The taller man complied, he removed his shirt dropping it to the floor. He groaned when Herbert placed his hand on his neck and shoved him down onto the bed. The other man kept a light, but firm hold on his throat while he kissed along his chest. He bit below his collar bone making his partner hiss, the feeling of a hot tongue pressing against his injured skin drew a moan from him. He bucked his hips up against the man on top of him, his erection rubbed against his ass and the shorter man pushed back against him. 

He knew he probably shouldn't be doing this, he shouldn't have crossed this line the multiple times they had before now, but here he was. Dan knew he could call this off or he liked to believe that he could, he told himself that he would, but by the time he had Herbert underneath him and naked he realized he didn't want to anymore. He wanted to take out all of his frustration, fear, anger, and compassion out on the man writhing beneath him. The one begging and whispering his name and digging his chewed up fingernails into his shoulder blades. Herbert had a submissive side to him when he wasn't in control and he knew it, when he knew he couldn't get high on a dangerous medication he had created in his lab. When he knew that there was barely anything at all holding Dan to him after what happened at the hospital, what had happened to Meg. He knew Dan could just walk away, leave him alone, and that was something Herbert didn't need in his life.

The warmth of a body against his, the feeling of fingers in his hair jerking his head back roughly. He moaned when teeth dug into his neck and Dan pushed his cock inside of him. He wrapped his legs around the taller man's back pulling him in closer, deeper. Dan groaned and muttered against the crook of his neck about how good he felt and he knew in some sense he was thinking about Meg. That was fine, it was okay. It wasn't like Herbert wasn't using him as a distraction as well.

Even with preparation it still came with a bit of pain when Dan entered him, but that's what Herbert was looking for for once. He spent so much time avoiding feeling physical pain, he had a low tolerance for it, but if he couldn't have his drug then he needed something to make him feel distracted. He needed to feel distracted from sleep, from unnecessary feelings and memories. He also had this urge to feel exposed and utterly human, sex was one of the greatest ways to feel that, and admittedly it had been years since the last time he'd been with somebody.

He begged and demanded in a shaking lust filled voice higher than he liked, he needed it to be rough and demanding. He needed to know Dan wanted him like this, that he needed him. The way that the brown eyed man kissed him said that he needed him desperately, his tongue explored his friend's mouth. His hand wrapped around his cock stroking, squeezing, Herbert's hips bucked up into his friend's hand. Dan's thumb circled the tip of his cock making him moan and plead, he found some sense of pleasure in just hearing Herbert plead for him. 

Dan did his best to focus on the man under him, to not think about her, but his mind wandered there. He thought about how warm and wet Meg would be around his cock, the way she would purr and moan; the way her painted fingernails would scratch into his back as she moved rhythmically against him meeting him thrust for thrust.

This wasn't like with Meg, this wasn't Meg; this wasn't even the same gender.

He had a different dynamic with Herbert; his friend met him thrust for thrust, but it had none of the same languid rhythm to it. He smelled like strong cologne, his nails were shorter and bit into his shoulders roughly, he leaned up biting at Dan's neck then licked over the areas that he would bite. He moaned and begged in a voice bordering on feminine like he had grown accustomed to hearing, but everything about it was different, because the meaning was different. He felt guilty being with somebody else, but this wasn't the first time he'd had Herbert pinned down and had kissed him. He had been with Meg those times, so why feel worse now?

Meg was gone as much as he didn't want to accept that, Herbert was here even if the relationship was completely different and probably insane in a respect. 

He was alive and warm and right now he was begging him to let him cum, because he needed it. Dan kissed along his jawline, he ran the tip of his tongue along his jaw and down the front of his neck to his chest. He stroked him faster bringing him to climax; he felt his cum running down over his fingers. The muscles wrapped around his cock tightened and spasm bringing him to his own finish causing him to cum inside of his partner. The legs wrapped around his back tightened ensuring he stayed in place until the very last second, Herbert dropped his legs to the bed his body limp and sated, he closed his eyes as he tried to catch his breath. Dan pressed his lips against his forehead then against his lips, Herbert kissed back lazily. Once the taller man pulled out he expected his friend to just leave as he had a tendency of doing after they would have any sort of intimacy. 

He was surprised this time when he didn't.

“Are you actually going to sleep?”

“Yes, I don't have much of a choice do I?” He asked, his voice dripped with his usual malice.

There was an odd comfort in hearing him speak that way and the way he glared up at him when he spoke.

“Why don't you like to sleep?”

“It's a waste of time.”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“What now?”

“What were you addicted to before you started using the reagent on yourself?”

He saw the defenses come up in his hazel eyes as they turned from a murky green to something bordering on brown. Herbert moved to face away from his friend like he needed to hide any bluff his face could give away.

“It's none of your concern, it was before you.”

Subject closed. Dan knew how that worked, according to Herbert there was no reason for them to discuss their pasts or their interests. They shared the interest of solving the problem of mortality, they shared a home; that was all they needed in the way of interests. When it came to the past it was more so Dan guessing based on body language and the way his friend talked, he had taken a psychology course or two, but not enough to actually analyze the short neurotic scientist. He wondered if he would always just stay this foreboding mystery that he could never figure out, but in a way he didn't need to know. Dan wasn't sure how he'd be able to handle it if he found out the secrets of Herbert West weren't all that deep and Gothic in nature.


End file.
